segunda-feira, 15 de dezembro de 2003

A aliança da discórdia 1 (ou a idade dos porquês)

Não, não vou falar da famigerada aliança entre a Inglaterra e a América. Vou falar (neste caso até é escrever) sobre a minha aliança... a de casamento.
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Perdi a minha aliança de casamento.
Mas porque existe tanta paranóia em relação a este objecto? Porque têm os homens tanto medo de o perder? Porque têm as mulheres tanto medo que eles o percam?
É claro que em relação à primeira questão toda a gente responderia que as alianças representam uma ligação profunda, de coração, até divina, com a outra pessoa e será por isso que existe essa paranóia. Eu acho que é unicamente e exclusivamente para marcar terreno e uma forma de dizer a quem se aproximar: “Ó tu, armado em ‘macho-man’, não vês que ela já tem um compromisso comigo?”, ou então: “Ó minha galdéria, escusas de vir para aqui bater as tuas asas que eu já bati muito mais do que as asas. Gastei 150 euros nisto para vos deixar todas a milhas.”.
E porque se coloca o nome e a data do casório? Não acham que se podiam colocar coisas muito mais úteis, como por exemplo, o n.º telemóvel para o caso de se perder a aliança, o grupo sanguíneo e o n.º de Segurança Social para o caso de termos algum acidente, a nossa morada para quando bebermos demais pedirmos ao taxista para nos levar aí, um “curriculum vitae” porque nunca sabemos quem vamos conhecer nesse dia e uma fotografia actualizada do cônjuge para qualquer das outras situações...
Discordo completamente da colocação da aliança no anelar. A sociedade impõe-nos isso com os risco de, caso não o façamos, nos verem como uns proscritos, fora-da-lei que não respeitam nada nem ninguém... POR CAUSA DE UM ANELZITO? Porque tem de ser usado no anelar? Só porque o dedo se chama anelar? Ou será que se chama anelar a partir do momento em que se começou a usar a aliança nesse dedo? Qual nasceu primeiro? Depois de uma profunda meditação cheguei à conclusão que o melhor dedo (porque tem de ser num dedo?) era o mindinho. Ponto 1. Finalmente arranjava-se uma utilidade para este apêndice. Ponto 2. Como é mais fino, a aliança saía muito mais barata. Ponto 3. Como é muito mais curto, há menos riscos de os serralheiros “perderem” este dedo. Ponto 4. Ninguém utiliza este dedo para se masturbar (digo eu!).
Para mim só tinha um problemazito: a aliança passava a ser tão pequena que, com certeza, não iria conseguir colocar lá a fotografia do meu Sócrates, o meu animal lindo de estimação, uma verdadeira fera... o meu canário amarelo.
Um abraço XXXL.

P.S. Depois de ter escrito este texto encontrei a dita cuja, mas resolvi colocá-lo na mesma aqui já que o tinha escrito durante o fim-de-semana.

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